"When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators."P. J. O'Rourke
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An Introduction to Cocaine Abuse
Coke, more commonly known as cocaine is a highly addictive stimulant which instantly affects the brain after introducing it to the body. The effects of this drug are extremely pleasurable and give a false sense of euphria. Like caffiene, coke makes the ...
Gambling Abuse and Addiction
So, how do you know if you or someone you know has a gambling problem? First of all it's important to note that compulsive gambling is a psychological condition that makes people unable to control their desire to gamble. Many crave the feeling they have ...
Have You Seen My Independence Day
Have You Seen My Independence Day ?" 4th of July, 2005 By, Steven Montes Have you seen my Independence Day? I don't know that I did with it. The last time I had it was in my sock drawer. Maybe someone took it. I ...
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Beverly and Chris were married for 7 years. Chris was a recovering alcoholic and drug addict who had been clean and sober for several years before he met Beverly. Beverly was a successful professional and Chris was a hard-worker in a blue collar job. After several years, Beverly suggested that the couple start a business of their own. They decided to invest in rental properties which they hoped would help grow their savings and allow them to travel and enjoy life more. They got a second mortgage on their home and bought several fixer-uppers in the same town where Chris worked. Things did not go as smoothly as expected, but they kept working on it and trying to deal with the stresses of a new business together.
After about a year, Beverly came home to find Chris crying and upset. She asked him what was wrong and he said he had to move out and "see what he wanted in life". Beverly was caught totally off guard and was devastated, but had no choice but to let him go. He left immediately and, in a week, came back to pack up his personal belongings. He told Bev he was staying with friends. In the meantime, Bev worked the business on her own. About a month after Chris left, Beverly received a call from the bank that her business account was overdrawn. After meeting with the bank, she discovered that Chris had been funneling money out of their business account for some months before he left. When Beverly finally reached him, he minimized the theft, but said that he would reimburse the account. A couple of weeks later, Bev found out from friends that Chris was seeing another woman, someone he had mentioned as a new acquaintance at work. After two small checks, Chris stopped paying Beverly back.
Can This Relationship Be Saved?"
There is not much hope for this relationship. Chris has a history of addictive behavior in the past. While he had been clean and sober for some time before he married Bev, he is fragile to reacting to stress with a relapse. Obviously, Chris had been secretive about his feelings for some time. By the time he decided to talk to Bev about it, he was ready to leave. Not talking is definitely a red flag for relapse.
It looks as if Bev was the codependent in this relationship because she was the one who made the suggestion to start the business. Reading between the lines, she takes the lead in trying to "help" Chris by trying to make him into an entrepeneur. She married a blue collar worker and then wasn't accepting of the limitations that might mean in terms of their lifestyle.
When the business started to flag, Chris wasn't equipped to deal with it in a direct way with his wife. Instead, he started seeing another woman and lying to Bev about it. Alcoholics are extremely adept at rationalizing destructive behavior. I'm not sure how Chris was justifying betraying his wife, but by the time he began to steal money from her, there is a very strong chance he had started drinking, drugging, or gambling. This was the point where he was in in a complete relapse, and it was only a matter of time before he would be found out. Chris bailed out with more lies before he had to face that consequence.
The negative prognosis for the marriage is cemented by the fact that, even after he was found out, Chris made no attempt to be honest, apologize, or take responsibility for his actions. He resorted to addictive behaviors like rationalization, minimizing, and more lies.
Bev should move on and deal with her own issues around this marriage. Let Chris continue to run the course of his relapse. Hopefully, he will get back into recovery before he hurts anyone else.
A postscript for Beverly: She can take some steps to stay out of the codependency role by being completely honest about Chris's behavior to family and friends. To do otherwise would be a continuation of caretaking, "protecting" Chris from having to face the consequences of his actions. By the same token, Beverly will be extremely vulnerable to Chris's "charming" side should he try to reconcile with her. Chances are also strong that he will attempt a reconciliation because addicts are very dependent on their codependent partners.
Another postscript: I don't want to give the impression that recovering addicts are bad partners. Recovering addicts who are actively working a program can be very good partners because they have been forced to look at themselves closely, are used to talking about and listening to feelings (in group meetings) and can be insightful about behaviors and motivation.
About the author:
Jennifer J. Sowle, PhD is a Licensed Psychologist and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a Certified Sex Educator and Sex Therapist. Dr. Sowle's website, http://here-to-listen.com explores psychological issues like: Depression, Anxiety, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and Eating Disorders. Individual and relationship problems and sexual questions. Dr. Sowle gives free advice and shares case studies from her practice.
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Definition of addiction changingHerald and NewsThat — in its simplest terms — is at the heart of a change in a psychiatric manual that could have a major effect on diagnosis and treatment of alcoholism and other addictions. An online service is needed to view this article in its entirety.and more » |
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Definitions refined for alcohol addictionToledo BladeOr is there a sliding scale of addiction, with many gradations of severity? That -- in its simplest terms -- is at the heart of a change in a psychiatric manual that could have a major effect on diagnosis and treatment of alcoholism and other ...and more » |
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Are We Addicted to Facebook? It's Complicated.New York Times (blog)But does the research suggest that we are addicted to it? Is our obsession with the social network bordering on unhealthy? Can we resist the siren call of the glowing blue icon? Dr. Rosen said the average person was not addicted to Facebook.and more » |
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